It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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