sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
