When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
