i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
