So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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