Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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