omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
