I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's always time for handjobs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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