Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
