you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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