the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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