Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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