And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
