STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
