Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
