my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
