Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
