I met the friendliest cop last night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
