When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
