Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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