meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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