New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
