is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
