Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize