And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
