Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
