I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
