Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
