By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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