he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
