They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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