I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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