You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
