as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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