If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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