You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
