Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
