I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
