I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
