I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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