I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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