Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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