I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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