I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
