Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
