I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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