i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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