there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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