considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
