You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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