I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
