Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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