Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
