i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
