can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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