If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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