We're like a lot better than the average bears
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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