I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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