Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
