I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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