these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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