Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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