Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
