I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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